Intoxi'Kath'ing Whispers

Woo- hoo! I feel so glad, relieved, so many words rolled into one to describe how I am feeling right now. Finally, STPM is over! I actually can't believe it. I still remember when I just started classes in form six. In a blink of an eye, it's over. Just like that. On the last day, I was still feeling blur. Didn't realise I won't be seeing my classmates untill results day! And I can finally bade goodbye to the school and those school uniforms. Haha! Hmmm.. How did I do in the STPM? I am not sure too. All I know is that this year's questions were way tougher compared to last year's. Which is quite weird, cause everyone thought that this year would be easy. Oh well. At least, I can tell the world that I sat for THE STPM. I won't say I conquered it but I faced it with all the courage I could muster. Ha... but I think my mathematics has already gone down the drain. Hope I won't fail for that subject. That paper was quite a shocker to me. Partly my fault for e...

Yay yay. Trials are over! Now the only exam I have left is the real STPM exam. After that, freedom and paradise. Hehe. Well, for a while anyway. Since the beginning of this year, I have started counting the number of exams I have to sit through. Months pass and now I only have the major one to focus on. This time, I am giving myself another opportunity to work hard and be better. To be more determined and well prepared. The incident which happened during SPM will not happen again!!! I will not let it as I have regretted my actions for not studying hard enough during that time. Regrets are useless, so, I will concentrate fully and work diligently in facing the 3rd toughest exam in the world. I know I can do it and I will. Words can't bring me down. No way. My goal is to acheive the highest CGPA possible and the highest grades. You go girl! Show it to them, give it to them baby!

Why do friends have to fight amongst themselves??? Why can't they just sort it out the proper way instead of backstabbing and accusing one another??? I hate to be caught in between. I really like my friends on both sides, but now they're arguing amongst themselves. Years of friendship, is it just going to break off because of some misunderstanding??? Where am I going to stand next then? This side or that? I really feel sad and wish that all these just did not have to happen.. Why? Why must everyone talk and not learn to listen? I wish that they would just grow up and open their eyes to see the world around them carefully... Friendships will easily be ruined because people do not take the time to understand and know their friends closely. What a waste for such a beautiful friendship to just end like that...

Life? Ha! What is life I ask you? Life,as most people say is like a box of chocolates. You get different kinds of fillings but it's up to you to decide whether you want to enjoy it or not. For me now, my life is like the wheel of fortune. Bad luck and good luck all rolled into one. It will never stop spinning and spinning until the needle points at something which it thinks is worthwhile. It could be good news and it could be bad. Like you could pass with flying colours in your exams, or lose something which is much treasured by you. It all depends on how you see it and how you take it in your stride. Often, I find myself crumbling in defeat, slowly, piece by piece I get up finally to face the world. It takes a lot of courage and wisdom to be able to stand above it all. It is never easy. Nowadays, I feel like I'm morphing yet into another form, into another person, into another personality. It's like I don't even know who I really am anymore. All this while, I've be...

Heya. Aaiii... Finally got my MUET result. Came out on Monday (18th). But not good news lo. Heehee. I only achieved band 5. Wanted a band 6 but it didn't come true. 12 marks more to get a band 6. Well, I didn't do well in my speaking component and my writing component. Must be the essay part. Designed to particularly kill people. In my school, only two people got band 6. Seafield, none at all. Haha. :) Majority of us got band 5. Not too bad I suppose. Some fo us are planning to resit to secure a band 6. I was also planning to but decided not to later, cause it won't guarantee that you will get a band 6 even if you resit. At least I have more time to concentrate on my other STPM subjects which are more important. Well, you can't always get what you want, but then a band 5 is enough to get the course that you want and entry into university. Must be grateful.

Hey hey hey! Wow, my mom actually went to India for one week for a holiday AND I could actually survive without her! What a miracle! Haha. Tomorrow she's coming back. Yahoo! Really missed her, well, you know me, always close to my mom. Hope she's well and fully rested. Oh ya, MUET results will be out soon. Next week in fact, according to my MUET teacher. I hope, I hope I will get satisfactory results. Must wait and see. Ouch... I'm having a terrible stomachache le. It keeps hurting. Been like that for the past one hour plus. Gosh don't know what's wrong with me. Cannot stand it much longer. Oh yeah, by the way, I actually drove the car to school on Thursday and today. By myself! Yay! Even drove some friends home. Haha. Freedom at last! How cool man!

Wahahaha. Mid year exams are finally over!!! Yay! Now for two weeks of holidays and then back to school and work. Only the trial paper left to go, and then the big deal... STPM! Wah, so much to study and remember. Didn't remember enough for my mid year.. oh well. Left out one essay each for chem and bio. 15 marks gone down the drain. Not to mention all the guessing games for structure questions and eeny-meeny-miny-moes for the objectives. Wonder how I'm gonna fare. Well, I'll know after two weeks. Hopefully I won't fail any subjects. That would be like so sad man! Seriously.. What to do... I'm not born with THE brains... I have to change my strategy of studying I think. Must do more past year questions instead of just reading and memorising. Ain't gonna help me much. For now, I'm just gonna kick back and enjoy!

Haha. Finally my MUET exam is over!!! Well, except for the speaking part. Had to wake up at 6 a.m. in the morning just to goto school to sit for this exam. I must get a band 6, oh, I just hope I do. Didn't really do well in my essay part... Don't understand the message they're trying to convey. Couldn't write a lot, think I did a slip-shod job out of it. So sad so sad. Straining to open my eyes now, hehe. Thank goodness Monday is a holiday! If not, I think I would faint from the exhaustion and tension and stress. Well, semester exams are just two weeks away. And the orientation for the lower six students is also in the next two weeks. Hmmm.... wonder who's coming in. Yay yay at least I can call them my juniors. Photo taking session is during next week after the labour day holiday. Hehe, must prune myself and make myself look presentable *wink* :). Aaiii, senior page photos also not taken yet. My class is definitely slow in this kind of things. Oh well, it will come...

Great. Really great... I feel like crying again when I think of the incident. Today was the second time I dissected a mouse. Dissecting is not a problem to me. The thing is, the mouse that I killed and cut up today was PREGNANT and I think quite a few weeks already. I could see the foetus of the mouse babies. They WOULD HAVE BEEN able to live had I decided not to dissect their mother. I feel so sad and terrible to think they would never be able to see the world. I was half crying while dissecting this particular mouse. Really broke my heart. I suspected it was pregnant but thought that maybe I was wrong. Well, I am wrong alright! Killing little things like that... My teacher had to cut out the placenta for me. Tears were blurring my vision and I had to keep on wiping away my tears. Just feel so sad.

Haha. My monthly tests are over! Now I can relax for a bit and then continue studying!!! You know what? I'll be dissecting a mouse on Monday. You know, those kind of white laboratory mice. Eewww... have to kill them first then only can cut them open. But it's so gross and I'm kind of squeamish looking at blood and guts. Urgh! Hope I can do it. Searching on the internet on ways to dissect a mammal. But everything that crops up is not related to what I want. Tick infection, preparing a snail(what is this anyway?), plus some other silly biology stuff. Getting irritated. And to think that I followed what my teacher did to get her own dissecting procedure. Does the website hate me or what? Heheh. Ah!

Well well well. It's been a golly long time since I've last benn here. Keep forgetting to log in and then busy and etc. Hehe. Now let me update you on some stuff which happened during my absence. I went to do my spectacles, changing to a new frame or rather frameless which in purple in colour and my eyesight has deteriorated slightly. Aaiii... I also fell sick just recently. Had the cold, fever, cough.. the usual package you know. :) My monthly test is in three weeks time and I have a one week break next week. Yay! But I have to go back on two days for extra classes. Oh well. I have to really work hard this year.. don't want to repeat what happened during my SPM. I must focus on my goals and ignore those obstacles because I can do it!

Okay, you know right? Nowadays I think I've been extra stressed up and feeling really tense. One of my lymph nodes actually swelled and my head sometimes hurts too because I'm so tensed. When I press that lump, it's kind of hard and it also hurts a bit. Nothing fatal right? I certainly hope so. But it juts out of my neck and is so unsightly. Argh! When it first appeared I got kind of scared, thought was cancer or something. But now I know better, it's something to do with stress and all. So all I have to do is calm down and it will go away. It actually did, then it came back during the weekend.. eesh. So sad. Well, I hope that it will cease to exist. Pray for me.

How do you know that you're depressed? I don't. But when classes started about three weeks a go, I felt depressed. During that time, I sort of hated form six. Disliked the school, the unnecessary school rules, the ever piling mountain of schoolwork. I lost my temper with my parents quite often too. I cried at night and sometimes I even thought that how nice if I died without ever having to sit for STPM. Those were really my down moments. Have never felt so lost and down before. I sort of got frustrated with teachers as some of them obviously do not know how to teach. No one understands them. (There goes my Chem). I also felt irritated being pestered by silly probhi prefects whom some got a rude reply from me and a roll of my eyes as they had come under my fire. I seriously hope not to do that again. Aahhh!!! Felt terrible after that... But it's their fault too. Have to be more patient and understanding. Anyway, I do hope to lighten up too. And take things the positive way.....