A Love Lost

My beloved grandma passed away on the 14th of August 2008 1645.


It is now four days since her death but I still can't get over it.

Her demise has affected me greatly. So much so that I have been crying everyday and everytime I think of her.

Her, going away has left a void in my life. I cannot seem to snap out of it. Till now, I feel as if I am a walking zombie. I keep thinking that she will be back so I can hug and kiss her. But then I realize that she will not and start crying all over again.

I used to think I have a lot of time to spend with her. I used to think that she would be able to live to see me get married. I used to think that I would always be able to savour her cooking and delicious treats, lovingly made by her.

To me at that time, death for grandma was as unimaginable as oil dissolving in water.

She was so healthy, even going for walks everyday and the day (Wed) she was admitted into the hospital suddenly and fell unconscious, never to open her eyes again. I never got to see her looking at me one last time.

Everything happened so suddenly.

I myself didn't know the extent of the affect of her death on me.

I still keep crying when I think of her. I miss her so much. When I'm at home, I remember how she would sit on a chair to watch tv in the living room. Where she sits to read her newspaper. When she comes over to our house, she'll always sleep in my room. How she will always eagerly make our favourite dish or desserts just because we love them so, even if she's feeling tired on that particular day.

Now, those dishes and desserts will no longer taste the same. Without her love.
Now, I will no longer be able to see her short little figure walking about our house doing her stuff.
Now, I will no longer see her cheerful and smiling face and receive her hugs and kisses.


I still cannot let her go...

I would like to have her back with me but I know that she is now in a better place than earth. And that she is with God and Jesus.

But I still pine for her at times. Though I know I have to be strong.... And that life has to go on.

<3 I love you grandma. Rest in Peace. <3

Comments

chian said…
I'll never be able to get the recipe from her ='(

it is okay to grieve girl..

and oh, I'd like to remind you that, I have wide comfortable shoulders *ahem ahem*
Monday, August 18, 2008 12:06:00 AM
Anonymous said…
i'm really sad to know bout this today during tutorial...but i'm not good in comforting ppl (so sorry)...i can feel that u r so sad from ur swelling eyes although u're acting normal...no matter how, life has to go on, and u have to be strong.....big big hug from me to u ya =)
Monday, August 18, 2008 4:55:00 PM
Kath said…
Chian: My mom has got the recipe from her.. I will look it up for you alright? I'm better now, at least, today. Haha. YEa, 'wide' shoulders... small only la.

m@ndy: Thanks girl. Don't worry bout comforting me... It's normal.. If me, don't think can do it easily also. Haha. Thanks for the hug. :D
Tuesday, August 19, 2008 12:56:00 AM
Lai Tee @ Grace said…
Good to hear that you are alright now...(hugs). It's normal that one will miss the lost ones...I'm sure God has His time right because He will never let you go through difficulties when you are not ready...
so Kath...keep on trusting Him...and obey His words. :)
Wednesday, August 20, 2008 1:12:00 PM
JeNz said…
i'm quite loss for words as it's one of those period in life which we can't avoid. however, i believe, it will only make you a stronger person and whenever you feel sad, always remember, she's will always be there..in your heart.

*hugs*
Saturday, August 23, 2008 1:37:00 AM
Kath said…
Lai Tee: Yea... at least I know my grandma is happily in Heaven. And she will watch over us as well. Thank God she went peacefully. :)

Jenz: Thanks Jenny. I will remember that. :D
Saturday, August 23, 2008 1:37:00 PM
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