A Love Lost

My beloved grandma passed away on the 14th of August 2008 1645.


It is now four days since her death but I still can't get over it.

Her demise has affected me greatly. So much so that I have been crying everyday and everytime I think of her.

Her, going away has left a void in my life. I cannot seem to snap out of it. Till now, I feel as if I am a walking zombie. I keep thinking that she will be back so I can hug and kiss her. But then I realize that she will not and start crying all over again.

I used to think I have a lot of time to spend with her. I used to think that she would be able to live to see me get married. I used to think that I would always be able to savour her cooking and delicious treats, lovingly made by her.

To me at that time, death for grandma was as unimaginable as oil dissolving in water.

She was so healthy, even going for walks everyday and the day (Wed) she was admitted into the hospital suddenly and fell unconscious, never to open her eyes again. I never got to see her looking at me one last time.

Everything happened so suddenly.

I myself didn't know the extent of the affect of her death on me.

I still keep crying when I think of her. I miss her so much. When I'm at home, I remember how she would sit on a chair to watch tv in the living room. Where she sits to read her newspaper. When she comes over to our house, she'll always sleep in my room. How she will always eagerly make our favourite dish or desserts just because we love them so, even if she's feeling tired on that particular day.

Now, those dishes and desserts will no longer taste the same. Without her love.
Now, I will no longer be able to see her short little figure walking about our house doing her stuff.
Now, I will no longer see her cheerful and smiling face and receive her hugs and kisses.


I still cannot let her go...

I would like to have her back with me but I know that she is now in a better place than earth. And that she is with God and Jesus.

But I still pine for her at times. Though I know I have to be strong.... And that life has to go on.

<3 I love you grandma. Rest in Peace. <3

Comments

chian said…
I'll never be able to get the recipe from her ='(

it is okay to grieve girl..

and oh, I'd like to remind you that, I have wide comfortable shoulders *ahem ahem*
Monday, August 18, 2008 12:06:00 AM
Anonymous said…
i'm really sad to know bout this today during tutorial...but i'm not good in comforting ppl (so sorry)...i can feel that u r so sad from ur swelling eyes although u're acting normal...no matter how, life has to go on, and u have to be strong.....big big hug from me to u ya =)
Monday, August 18, 2008 4:55:00 PM
Kath said…
Chian: My mom has got the recipe from her.. I will look it up for you alright? I'm better now, at least, today. Haha. YEa, 'wide' shoulders... small only la.

m@ndy: Thanks girl. Don't worry bout comforting me... It's normal.. If me, don't think can do it easily also. Haha. Thanks for the hug. :D
Tuesday, August 19, 2008 12:56:00 AM
Lai Tee @ Grace said…
Good to hear that you are alright now...(hugs). It's normal that one will miss the lost ones...I'm sure God has His time right because He will never let you go through difficulties when you are not ready...
so Kath...keep on trusting Him...and obey His words. :)
Wednesday, August 20, 2008 1:12:00 PM
JeNz said…
i'm quite loss for words as it's one of those period in life which we can't avoid. however, i believe, it will only make you a stronger person and whenever you feel sad, always remember, she's will always be there..in your heart.

*hugs*
Saturday, August 23, 2008 1:37:00 AM
Kath said…
Lai Tee: Yea... at least I know my grandma is happily in Heaven. And she will watch over us as well. Thank God she went peacefully. :)

Jenz: Thanks Jenny. I will remember that. :D
Saturday, August 23, 2008 1:37:00 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

To Mr. KT

This post is written in honour of (no, scratch that), is written with the objective to give someone a piece of my mind. (Want my cerebrum or medulla oblongata?) Firstly, this person complained that I did not update my blog often enough. Then he said, "Kenny Sia updates everyday." Yeah right, it's not everyday la Tai Kor! And why compare me to him? I'm so tiny and puny in the blogsphere. Heh. Anyway, I'm super busy and super tired and has had no inspiration whatsoever to blog about anything till today. (Thanks to somebody...) Before I go into the second part, for all those who have yet to hear about it, (it's been publicized in her FB), my sister, Eileen is now formally engaged to her sweetheart of six, seven years. Congrats to my dear dear sister. Finally, eh? Hahah. The second part is related to this. Not referring to my sis, but me. Our good friend who complained that I don't update often, had the gall/balls (Grr...) to 'insult' me. When I sh...
Read more

Of Vampires and Werewolves

I've never really been an ardent fan of the Twilight series(boo...says you). And I have no idea why some girls go gaga over Edward the vampire. He looks so paste-y with the bloodshot eyes (yea yea he's supposed to look that way). And bleah! I think he looked way hotter in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire as Cedric Diggory . That, I can go gaga. But in Twilight??? The romance between Edward and Bella is fine. Romantic, mushy and cliched. Heh. But there's nothing much for me to shout about. (Sorry to the ardent fans, esp to my three sisters. Ha.) This year, the next sequel in this series is about to be released tentatively in November. Known as New Moon , the title is definitely appropriate since the werewolves play a bigger role this time. I didn't read any of the books in the Twilight series though my sisters finished the whole lot of it. So there's no doubt I have no idea of what's going on in the next book. But judging from this trailer of the next sequ...
Read more

My Future???

After thinking for a while, (ok, not a while but many whiles) I have finally decided what to do after I graduate (hopefully) in May this year. I have narrowed it down to two options. Sigh. Either I continue my studies and proceed wtih Masters (God, help me..) or I apply for this work and travel thing to US for six months. Will see how it goes... see which comes first. If it's the latter, I'd most probably miss my Convocation. If the former is first, the latter will no longer be on my list. We'll see we'll see. :) P/S: Applying for masters has nothing to do with what the government has allocated to help the economy.
Read more