Hate and Fear

I do not want to be your group project leader. Please please select someone more worthy and more capable. Look at the marks that we got, it's so freaking low!!! I am not good in this...Huh. Why did you all force this on me??? I feel very burdened that our group got low marks for our group presentation. It is as if the decisions I made was bad. It is very disheartening. I don't want to do this....*wails* I was so disappointed I burst out at what Lim said, though he didn't mean it. If no one gives any comments then I will  proceed with what I think is best. But it wasn't the best....  I hate this.

Now onto the heart issues, which I rarely rarely talk about....
This is why...

A friend had self-inflicted injuries because of a relationship turned sour. She was always a very strong woman, confident and sure of what she wanted. If a person like her, self harms because of a guy, what more do you think I would do, a person who is not strong at all?

Another friend of mine got hurt when he was being used by a girl... who knew he was into her but she was not. She was, in fact, with another guy at that same moment. Yet, she played along with him. I hated to see him be so upset over what happened but what more can we do?

What IS this game that people play?

You think I do not fear this?
I do, unfortunately. Tremendously.
I do not want history to repeat itself.
I do not want to hurt again.
I fear hurt.
I fear it till I tend to push away anyone who wants to care.
I don't say yes.
I say no.
I say go away instead of stay.

Sigh... all of a sudden, I don't know what to do anymore.


Perhaps I should learn to start saying yes now.
Right?

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