Grievances
A quick update before I plonk myself into bed.
My maternal grandfather passed away last Friday.
Friends who have asked me how I was coping, said this to me, "You sound unconcerned though."
I received that comment TWICE.
I will dedicate a post to him soon, just not now as I am still recovering from the stress and heartaches.
But let me explain the above situation now, lest I sound like a bad granddaughter.
I lost someone whom I was really close to two years ago. The pain of that loss was somehow buried deep in the corners of my heart and I never want to experience it again.
Knowing my grandfather was admitted into the ICU, that knowledge brought back the memories of that death two years ago. The pain I was trying to forget, threatened to resurface. I do not want to cry again. I do not want to keep crying.
To do that, I pretended that nothing was going to happen to my grandfather. I pretended that nothing was wrong. I admit I sounded very unconcerned. But it was only my way of being defensive.
It was only a wall I put up to keep the waves of emotions I was experiencing from crashing out and flooding my entire self.
It is not because I do not care.
People have different ways of handling grieve. Being aloof, cracking jokes, sobbing, getting angry are all examples of the ways people feel or act when they are scared of that grieve they are to face. The fear of breaking down... and letting people know exactly how they are feeling.
Anyway, what you think of me is none of my concern as long as I know how I really feel.
My maternal grandfather passed away last Friday.
Friends who have asked me how I was coping, said this to me, "You sound unconcerned though."
I received that comment TWICE.
I will dedicate a post to him soon, just not now as I am still recovering from the stress and heartaches.
But let me explain the above situation now, lest I sound like a bad granddaughter.
I lost someone whom I was really close to two years ago. The pain of that loss was somehow buried deep in the corners of my heart and I never want to experience it again.
Knowing my grandfather was admitted into the ICU, that knowledge brought back the memories of that death two years ago. The pain I was trying to forget, threatened to resurface. I do not want to cry again. I do not want to keep crying.
To do that, I pretended that nothing was going to happen to my grandfather. I pretended that nothing was wrong. I admit I sounded very unconcerned. But it was only my way of being defensive.
It was only a wall I put up to keep the waves of emotions I was experiencing from crashing out and flooding my entire self.
It is not because I do not care.
People have different ways of handling grieve. Being aloof, cracking jokes, sobbing, getting angry are all examples of the ways people feel or act when they are scared of that grieve they are to face. The fear of breaking down... and letting people know exactly how they are feeling.
Anyway, what you think of me is none of my concern as long as I know how I really feel.
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